A perspective after a year... "Stronger"

Last year at this time, I was often depressed.  I was about two months into a new job, which had 3 months of training.  I thought I was ready to take on new challenges, and since this job was better pay I was excited.  Training well prepared me for the job, but I knew it was going to be difficult working with families that did not want me there.  But about a month into training a co-worker of mine made the environment even worse.  She became hostile, when I tried to address her attitude toward others and training.  I felt like I was in the corner of a classroom some days.  Adding to that my husband and I had recently welcomed a friend into our home as he is finishing up school and could not find a place.  So I often came home crying and had two people look at me like they didn't know what to do because they didn't work with me, and killing with kindness is easier said then done with a hostile person.  Why don't we add one more thing to my plate that was happening a year ago?  My husband and I decided to go off birth control and were anxious to get results, but after a month of no period and no results, I was drowning farther in sorrow. Took me awhile to share this.

One afternoon driving home from work, I was almost hysterically crying, and Mandisa's song "Stronger" came on the Joy FM.  It helped a lot, but looking back at the song again today, a year later, it is so very very true.

I have put more and more faith in God, and have surrounded myself with great people that are encouraging.  After I had negative pregnancy test results, I had trained to tell myself that it will happen when God plans it to.  The more you say something, the more you believe it to be true.  If I had become pregnant right away, my husband would have lost his job to an injury that he would have not received surgery for due to finances and having a baby coming soon.  Fortunately I was able to return to a work environment that had positive people and gave me a flexible schedule.  So I was able to have free time to join small group and was able to care for my husband after his surgery.  We then struggled with finances post surgery and me working part time, but God provided us with a business and a team of people that wanted to continue to help us to grow in Him, and make money.  And now I am also being blessed with a full time job, but still have the time to pursue God in small group and attend business meetings for our journey to freedom.

Today I participated in the JoyFM's share-a-thon as a Thank you to God and them for always showing me that there are greater things out there and that next year I will be "Stronger"

Handing it over

When you give yourself to the Lord you are supposed to give all yourself.  This is difficult for several people.  Last week I mentioned how I've been praying for the Lord to make me less selfish, and I thought it would result in me living for others...  But the result has been slapping me in the face and says to LIVE FOR THE LORD!
Earlier this year when I had a lunch date with God, He kept pointing out that humans are flawed, and not to put your trust in them.  So why would I live for them.
Hubby and I have been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan, and he puts it in terms that more people can understand.  He explains in the second chapter that this world is more like one big movie for God, and a person can be seen as an extra in the movie.  As an extra with a .5 second clip of yourself, would you tell everyone that the movie is all about you?

I need to wake up in morning and get things accomplished.  When I do, I feel so much better about myself.  But I have come to find out I can't always be motivated myself, and nothing else really motivates me.  So why not wake up and live a full life for God, because that's what He truly wants.

Well, I am a woman

Often I make up excuses for myself, one being that I am a woman.  Why do I make this an excuse?  Because my mind runs around like crazy and I get emotional almost out of nowhere.  But I know making the excuse only enables me more.  I have read too many books lately that want me to be stronger and I do want to be stronger and I want to put more faith in God.  My church has been going through 21 days of prayer, and this is the last week of prayer.  I have found one thing from my time of prayer and from my business lately...  I am a selfish person. =/  My prayers and days the past week or so have started with me saying don't let me be selfish today. 

Well this week has been full to the brim.  I drove probably over 1,000 miles in a week.  Got work done, met my new neice, visited a future business partner, and had a night with our business team to celebrate the new year. (Yes the new year). 
This weekend I noticed more of the new person beginning to grow in me.  I finally cleaned up the office some and worked on some projects.  I stopped myself at least twice from going into a downward slump with my negative thoughts that pop in my mind.  And I'm realizing that I need to go back to a person I thought wouldn't make it far in this world, because honestly she did fine, it was the other people around her that wouldn't make it in this world. 
GO ME!!!!

Getting Closer...

Wow!  Saturday night I saw Greg Francis in Orlando.  It was nice to ride with my upline, but it would have been nice if the hubby came.  But he had a long day at the j.o.b.  In fact he had to stay later because of the incoming hurricane and to top it off they are taking away his long weekends and he nows works 5 days a week and not 4.  Definitely gave him more motivation to get things done for our business and be FREE!
Greg and Jacquie Francis are awesome, and really motivated me to focus more on what needs to be done to get to the big picture.  When I told Tyler a little bit about it he got one thing from the few things I mentioned and that's to focus on What Would a Diamond Do?  =)  I guess I will get my WWJD bracelet out too!
Sunday was a full day clebrating 3 family birthdays with my side of the family, and getting what I thought was my last glimpse of my sister-in-laws belly before my niece is born.  After a day of church, lots of food, and family, Hubby and I got home and ready for bed.  My brother then called to say my sister's (don't like saying sister-in-law, she's more than that) water broke.  Packed up and drove 2 hours to sleep there and watch the dog.  When they did go into the hospital she was 3cm, but they told her that her water didn't fully break. (i dunno?)  They sent her home, and all the family that came turned around and left.  I got free brekfast and lunch yesterday from my mom and got back home around 5pm.  My brother is nervous people won't come into town after their false alarm, but I will still drop what I am doing to see my first blood niece.  But for now I got a lot of work to get done since they could call again any minute.

Birthday Struggles

Today was my husband's birthday.  I guess I really just want to make it special.  He doesn't want me to spend much money, so I didn't buy him anything.  Yesterday we both had the day off and he told me he wanted to spend the day with me, but our day was spent sleeping in and going to get a grand slam at Denny's.  (Really? you want Denny's?)  After that I kept trying to plan stuff to do, but he never sounded excited about my ideas, so we meet his friends at a place downtown and spent about $50 on food and drinks.  He had to work today so we left, but he really wanted to go by Family Fun Center and play games, so we did that. 
Today was an exhausting day at work for him, but as soon as he got home we headed to his parent's house to celebrate his birthday.  So once again we didn't get much alone time but enjoyed our time celebrating. 
Well, I can't feel like he had a good time on his birthday unless I really do something special for him, and although he told me yesterday and today were good days.  I am going to clean up some tomorrow and cook him a nice steak dinner because he deserves to know he is appreciated and that birthdays are important.  Good thing I have a publix gift card and this week new york strips are on sale. ;)
Love you Grover!

Everyday should be like today

I almost posted earlier this week as hubby and I are starting to get a steadiness of customers now.  Last Thursday got a friend to buy some stuff from me, and on Monday we had 3 people over who all order stuff.  I received some of it yesterday and today some more of it came in.  We made over a 100 in profit and got a lot of customer points as well. 
The friend I sold to was supposed to come over and hang out, so I started to clean up and thought we can bake cookies together.  Well I started the cookies without her.  She ended up telling me she was not going to come by and had a bad day, so I decided to wrap of the cookies for her, and my other customers and deliver everything today.  So much fun to give them cookies as appreciation and their products, plus everyone decided that they wanted to order something more!!!  So now once I put in another order I will be making more.  It's so nice to serve people and just have a day like this.

Very Long Tuesday!

I already know that I have a lot to do on Tuesdays, but for some reason I thought I could get my grocery shopping done too, and last night I found out my Little Sister is actually leaving this Wednesday and not next.
I am in the office for my job as the supervisors come in on Tuesdays, then in the evening I drive to the next city for a business meeting.  Yesterday after our meeting in the office everyone went to lunch to say goodbye to a co-worker.  When I did finally leave the office I remembered tomorrow we have a meeting in Tampa and I will need to be up early.  I swung by the grocery store and got a call from my Little Sister asking me to drop by.  I know at this point if I sit down that I will not get back up. 
I did enjoy my short visit with my Little Sister.  She made a collage for me and we exchanged information.  I hope the best for her and that this move is a good change for her.  Seemed she was starting to fall into the wrong crowd here.  I need to finish my scrap book for her before Christmas so I can send it off.
On our way to our business meeting we made phone calls for our open house with our products that we have scheduled for Thursday, and of course on the way home from our business meeting Grover fell asleep in the backseat as it was late.

Drove back to Tampa this morning for my job, and am just really wanting to relax.  Not sure how I make it through days like yesterday and even today, and can't believe in my previous job that every day was like that.  Really makes me wanna start getting more done each and every day so full days are not so exhausting.

Dreaming Big

As I watch the USA women's team in the soccer tournament of the Olympics and read posts on Twitter and Facebook, I get this huge sense of dreams building up inside of me.  We tied China for glad medals yesterday and I began crying as I watched the "flying squirrel," Gabrielle Douglas receive her gold medal.  I also keeps reading posts of the current Chick-fil-A arguments, since an owner talked about his Christian morals being against the LGBT community.  This has also put a deep dream in me and inspires me to be the Christian Jesus wants me to be.  I literally have an ache in my hear to love and inspire others.  I want to continue to dream and feel this passion that I have inside of me.  I want to get things done, and stop letting other things weigh me down.
I want to succeed life!!

Relationships and Twitter?

Last night our upline diamond in our business who is a multi-millionaire from the business was at our meeting.  He showed the plan for new people who came out and had our discussion.  This was good for the hubby and I as we have had some struggles.  We know the business could get us out of them, but we need some motivation.  Alan Leininger talked about how quitters are just losing out on money, and we don't wanna do that.  haha.

We need to work on talking to more people and building relationships.  We decided this week we would work on getting out in the community and starting small talk.  Apparently we aren't as social as I thought, but I bet if I didn't think so much about it I would be fine.

On another note, I really want to be better at praying, blogging, crafting, and more.  I should have no excuse since I only work part time, so I have stopped recording some shows on TV and am working on waking up at a consistent early time.

I have also decided to start tweeting, and learning more about that since I have an opinion and a sense of humor.  I can't wait to number sign all over the place!! =)

Fasting

I know some people would say that talking about fasting does not help it's purpose, but I wanted to share my opinion on one of the first times I fasted.  My hubby and I decided we would join our church in an effort to focus on our church's growth by fasting.  I was proud of my husband because he does physical labor and he doesn't want to pass out, but he worked hard.  But I was disappointed in my self, I needed to put better focus on God and our prayer, but it took me awhile to stop focusing on my hunger and sleepiness.  (Especially after my supervisor said you look sick.)  I got to a point though that when I did think of food, or felt sleepy I would redirect my focus and pray.  *note to self: redirect more!*  But I think the worst part is I got home from work around 5:30, I feel asleep.
Nonetheless, I am proud of the people I go to church with.  As our pastor says, "Bold prayers honor God, and God honors bold prayers."

Learning a plan

Last Sunday before we left my brother's we talked to him more about our business and showed him a plan? Well, we drove back and stopped for a team meeting with our upline and asked them how they showed the plan... we then felt stupid but were ready.

I called some people and between my husband and I we showed the plan 4 times this week (if you include what I told my brother).  I feel accomplished, and it doesn't matter if they don't decide to join this business and work toward a life of freedom, because I remember why I am doing it when I talk about it.  =)

Today there was a brunch with the women on the business team.  We talked about goals, surrounding ourselves with other great women, and that every little thing adds up and can be seen as important.  I know very vague, but I am thinking about way too much.  This group reminded me of one of the women at the Fusion conference who said that she didn't want to be the cheerleader next to her husband but the person running beside him and carrying her share.

I will likely mention this plan again, but what I learned about this plan is that it is different for eveyone and what is more important are people.

Girl girl girl!

This past weekend was a baby shower for my brother and sister-in-law.  I helped out with decorations and was in charge of some games.  They had a Gender Reveal party.  It was super cute and when they cut the cake and there was pink icing in the middle, I started to cry.  It's one of theose real moments in life where you remember God's love and how amazing life can be.  So I will soon have another niece.  I'm going to go ahead a post my predictions on the date because 9/9/12 isn't it.  (I also thought it was a boy).  Want to say my favorite people's birthdays, 8/23 or 9/2, but it will be 8/30/12.  =)

Since my brother wanted his friend's there as well he had made some beer, which he is very good at.  And the next day we all woke up and went tubing down a river, without getting sunburnt.  Good deal.

100th post with a quote

Not sure how I made it this far since I have not been committed to posting, but hopefully things will change.

Here is one thing from the past weekend that really hit me hard.  As a speaker was talking about how God and the business helped save them in their struggles and how sometimes it is hard to pray during struggles. My husband and I wrote down the same thing in our notes.  The speaker had not said this, but we had heard it at church a while back and apparently it stuck and came to us simultaneously.

Don't tell God how big your problems are, but tell your problems how BIG your God is!

Love my Grover!

Fusion 2012

So as I have said we now are IBOs with Amway.  This past weekend there was a conference in Tennessee.  We had no intentions on going but thought if we are going to start this business we need to know a little more about what we are doing.

I still find it difficult to say, but it's true.  I'm glad me missed the baseball game with the family and annual beach trip with the other side of the family.  We are making a commitment to our business, because WE OWN IT.  If we don't make the commitment and let other activities and other's get in the way then we will not be successful in our business.

We got a lot out of this weekend, and we got back to our house at 4AM today, so obviously I am not going to go into detail, but I am sure many of the posts to follow will have some quotes from Fusion 2012!


**Note: link to personal Amway page seen above

Small Groups are back

Tonight we met with our couples small group for our summer semester.  We are going to be reading Crazy Love, but tonight we just played some games which was a lot of fun.  We caught M&Ms in our mouths, played a Newly Wed kind of game, and just caught up together. 
The game had questions like "When was the last time he bought you flowers?" and "Who do you mutually know that has the most tattoos?"  It was a lot of fun.
Our group seems like it's getting smaller but this past weekend we spent time with one couple who is no longer in our group, and went to our group leader's house warming party.  We are really starting to find couple friends in the city that we enjoy spending time with.

I decided not to do my couponing group this semester as I plan to join our church's running group, and with our new business that would make every week night booked.

GREAT weekend for all!

Of course I got sick this past week, most likely due to stress planning for this weekend.  So I probably owe my husband a better anniversary night because Tuesday I was so drowsy that I almost passed out on our fancy dinner.

SURPRISE! was this weekend.  My mom turned 50 on Friday, and we threw her one heck of a surprise party!  One side of my family from Florida has a cabin in a little town called Murphy, North Carolina.  But my mom's parents and siblings live in West Virginia so I found a campground for them to stay at, while the family in Florida squeezed into the cabins that we have there. 
I thought of a great idea to distract my mom and put together a small photo scavengar hunt for our "shopping" day downtown.  Then when we came back everyone had parked their cars down the road and hid behind the garage.  People came out one by one from behind the garage saying happy birthday and my mom was not only happy and surprised but was worried that there was no room for everyone to sleep. =D  Good thing I took care of that ahead of time.
So we spent the rest of the day and Saturday eating great food and enjoying the outdoors together, which was great weather compared to Florida.  The only bad part was that Flo and Zeus got several ticks, but we got them off fast.

So after the drive home Sunday, hubby and I decided to stay in the Ocala area and go tubing since we didn't do much for our anniversary.  The beginning of the day ended up being crazy as we broke things trying to back for our trip. Then we decided to do the 5 hour tubing trip, which ended up being way to long.  My camera got broken and we are really burnt and tired, but it was a good time. 
Rainbow River is clear pretty much the whole way down the river, and we saw otters and fishes kept touching my toes. =)

So glad it was a successful weekend, and my mom didn't expect a thing!!

Ewww, fish!

FLO smells rancid!  Oh my goodness, "like dead fish and baby poop combined" according to the hubby.
This morning I left Flo outside while I got dressed and read a little bit. When I went out to get her she was sitting by the door like normal but I noticed dirty on her face.  I went to rub it off and smelt something so I bent over closer and almost passed out she smelled soooo bad.  I put her in her crate for awhile and then the stench started spreading throughout the house so she went on the back porch and I started looking up how to get the smell out.  (I think the smell might have actually been from a dead fish, as I have seen them once or twice in the neighborhood from the hawks and owls.)
I scrubbed Flo three times with dog shampoo while trying to hold my breath, and it didn't help much because when Tyler came home he went to smell her and said he almost threw up.  So she got in the shower with my husband, he tried lemon juice, backing soda, dish soap, and vinegar. 
It's a little better but we have to get going to a party so she will be in her crate for a while. Sorry Flo, you did this to yourself.  And of course I had put the frontline on her yesterday.

Planning Surprises

Several months ago I started to plan a surprise involving two groups of people from different states in a state that none of us live in.  Seems difficult?
I'm actually surprised at how easy some of it was, like finding a good weekend, and a place for people to stay.  I think because everyone involved is so helpful.  So this past weekend I realized that this surprise is coming up fast and I still need to plan food, the time of the surprise and the distraction, and since we are planning to drive to the designated location through the night I have to have energy.  So worried, that I e-mailed all involved and they took care of several of the last steps and planning.  LOVE YOU ALL!

Will post more after the event just in case.

Turning 25...is it a big deal?

Most people have goals they plan to reach at certain points in their life.  Married by this age, kids at this age, retired at that age.  I am one of those that wanted to start my family by 25 years of age.  Most people think that's young, but this year I will be half my mom's age.  She turns 50!  Ever think of it that way?

So I want to do something big instead since the kids thing is kinda too late.  I thought about a tattoo!?!  And several people told me that 25 should be a milestone and worth a party, but I am on a budget.  Plus my birthday is Mother's Day.  So I'm kinda going into my birthday on a bad note, but only because I let people get to me.

So I need to work on being grateful for the things I do have, like a husband that wants to take me to dinner for my birthday, and a part time job that gives me free time to go to the beach with my friends next week and celebrate a little.
Goals don't always need a set date, as it is more about the journey to each goal.  And our journey to kids is turning out to be pretty enjoyable. =)

IBOs with Amway

Last night the Hubby and I became Independent Business Owners and signed up with Amway.  We want to earn some extra money, and pay off any debt/bills faster.
So excited, lots to learn and do.
Already put together my website. www.amway.com/slclark

New place with God.

So I think I mentioned that I am reading So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore, and that there is a series on Red Hot Monogamy at church throughout April.

Yesterday I slowly ended up in a bad mood, not sure where it came from, but things just kept like they were piling on top of me.  After I got home from where ever I was with my husband I unleashed some tears and thought I should read.  I needed to catch up on reading So Long Insecurity, and this would probably help the situation that is working to put me in a deeper hole.
Still not sure how I got in this hole, but I remember the things trying to make it bigger, like my list of things to do, my lack of energy, my husband being out with the guys for the night, and the bills. 
Thank the Lord, I was at a part of the book that begins to help you find solutions.  I have been recognizing my insecurities more and realizing I also put my security in other often.  So being home alone was helpful.  I prayed a lot that night, and when tested later that evening I was able to stand firm and feel lifted by God when my insecurities would have usually washed me away.
The next morning in church, the pastor had a meesage on not letting our desires become expectations.  This went on with what I had been reading the night before.  Humans are flawed, but God loves us the same. 

We need to trust in God, for He is what is constant in our lives, and He loves us despite our flaws.  And we should not only love ourselves because God loves us, but loves others because God loves them.

Today I went on to read some more and just spend some alone time with God.  I renewed my life in Christ, and told Him I want to spend my life starting with Him every day and trusting Him to be my firm ground from which I will take on the day.  I wrote a pray for myself and hope if I don't pray it daily, I at least pray it when I need to start on new ground again.

March was BIG.

March was the biggest roller coaster ever!! February 29th my husband had surgery to remove an abscess on his tail bone that has been ruining his life since it got infected at Tough Mudder (at least that's what we assume).  Well this put him out of work for 4 weeks.  I had to care for him, and moved our computer into the bedroom so he could remain laying down/resting while still interacting with the world.  Oh how much the internet does for us. 
Well 2 weeks after his surgery we had a planned vacation.  Normally not a good time to have a surgery, but this would actually help us a little since it is paid vacation, and like I said my husband couldn't work for 4 weeks. Plus throughout all of March I am trying to work extra, so I don't have to during our vacation.

10 days of vacation. One week in Los Angeles, California visiting my husband's sister, who is an amazing singer. (Album -The Rise, Song -You and Me) Then since we were out west, and don't have kids yet... 3 days in Las Vegas, Nevada where my cousin lives.  We had a lot of fun!!
Of course we saved up for all this, but we came back to some extra (medical) bills.

Anyway next week is Easter! Our church will be starting a series Red Hot Monogamy, just like the book we are reading.  And my husband and I will be serving in the children's church for the first time. =)

Reading more and Moore

The devotional that we got to replace our Love Dare is not as enjoyable as we expected.  We still have our couples group though, and we finished For Women Only and For Men Only and are going to start reading Red Hot Monogamy.
I no longer work for Child Protective Services and am back with Big Brothers Big Sisters.  It's only a part time position but it should give me time to catch up on some things, and I love working with those people.

I'm way behind on blogging, and will be for awhile. 

I just finished 2 books and am ready to start the Red Hot Monogamy and am joining a women's group that is reading So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore.
I hope to further my relationship not only with God but with the women in my community and of course with my husband. ;)
Plus I will be doing my Couponing Group again, I think it will grow more than last semester.